Struggles

Sometimes it seems like life is good.  Great even!  We wander through our days without a care in the world.  Happiness and joy seem to be the primary emotions in our repertoire of feelings.  Even the bad things that sneak in aren't that bad.  Each day is greeted with excitement and a smile for what it may bring.

And then there are other times.  Darker, more difficult times.  Times when we wonder where the happiness and joy went and why it's been gone for so long.  Days when it feels as if it's hard to breath because of the weight of the stress you're carrying and the day is greeted with fear of what might come your way next.

Unfortunately, I'm in one of those dark times.  I've not really ever experienced something this profound and long lasting.  In the past I've been busy and stressed.  Worried about tasks on my list that I hadn't yet completed but needed to be finished urgently.  Piled too much on my plate leaving me juggling too many things at once and needing to be everywhere at the same time.  What I would consider typical of a busy mom who owns her own business and runs a home.

But this is different.  This is a stress I've never known.  These feelings are completely unfamiliar to me and it seems like I don't have the tools to handle them, which is also frightening.  So many of the things happening in our life are out of our control.  Decisions not yet made by people who don't really know or understand us, seem to have our lives on hold right now.  

I know, and the hubs reminds me, that we can only control what we can, and deal with all other things as they come.  But it's hard.  I find my mind so overactive that I don't sleep at night because I can't force my brain to turn OFF!  Sometimes it seems like the list I have going is so big and daunting that I don't even know where to start which means I don't start.  I just walk away from it and hope I'll have a better understanding the next day.  

I know what's going on in my life will be over eventually and that it's part of owning a small business, the nature of our economy right now, and having children who, despite the guidance we give them, are still their own people and will make mistakes.  I also know that I'm blessed beyond belief because we're healthy and safe and have each other.  But I could really use some joy right now.  

Hugs,

Carrie