An Anniversary

Just over a year ago my grandmother passed away.  
We had known for nearly two weeks that the end was near and had held vigil at her bedside 24 hours a day.  We sang songs with her, listened to opera, watched baseball, we talked to her and shared memories with her.  There were countless kisses and hugs given to her.  
We said I love you as often as possible.  My mother even prayed the Rosary for her every day -- I had never seen my mother pray before those two weeks.  And even though my grandmother's room was full more than it was empty during those days, she left us while only my mom and dad were with her.  

You think you're ready when you're given time to process the inevitable.  
I read {although reluctantly} the pamphlet given to our family by hospice.  
I had had my time alone with my grams and said goodbye to her every time I left her side.  
I had forgiven her of the ugliness we had in our past and I asked her to forgive me.  
Thanked her for the love and devotion she had given to me over my lifetime.  
The care she gave me when nobody else could.  
But what I learned when I answered my phone and heard the news of her passing, 
was that no amount of preparation will alleviate or minimize the heartbreak that comes from the loss of a loved one.

Sunday marked one year.  
It was a difficult day for me, and if I'm being honest, it had been a hard 
2 weeks leading up to the anniversary.  
I miss her so much, I think of her every day and my heart aches, still, in a way I've never known.


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