Struggles

Sometimes it seems like life is good.  Great even!  We wander through our days without a care in the world.  Happiness and joy seem to be the primary emotions in our repertoire of feelings.  Even the bad things that sneak in aren't that bad.  Each day is greeted with excitement and a smile for what it may bring.

And then there are other times.  Darker, more difficult times.  Times when we wonder where the happiness and joy went and why it's been gone for so long.  Days when it feels as if it's hard to breath because of the weight of the stress you're carrying and the day is greeted with fear of what might come your way next.

Unfortunately, I'm in one of those dark times.  I've not really ever experienced something this profound and long lasting.  In the past I've been busy and stressed.  Worried about tasks on my list that I hadn't yet completed but needed to be finished urgently.  Piled too much on my plate leaving me juggling too many things at once and needing to be everywhere at the same time.  What I would consider typical of a busy mom who owns her own business and runs a home.

But this is different.  This is a stress I've never known.  These feelings are completely unfamiliar to me and it seems like I don't have the tools to handle them, which is also frightening.  So many of the things happening in our life are out of our control.  Decisions not yet made by people who don't really know or understand us, seem to have our lives on hold right now.  

I know, and the hubs reminds me, that we can only control what we can, and deal with all other things as they come.  But it's hard.  I find my mind so overactive that I don't sleep at night because I can't force my brain to turn OFF!  Sometimes it seems like the list I have going is so big and daunting that I don't even know where to start which means I don't start.  I just walk away from it and hope I'll have a better understanding the next day.  

I know what's going on in my life will be over eventually and that it's part of owning a small business, the nature of our economy right now, and having children who, despite the guidance we give them, are still their own people and will make mistakes.  I also know that I'm blessed beyond belief because we're healthy and safe and have each other.  But I could really use some joy right now.  

Hugs,

Carrie

An Anniversary

Just over a year ago my grandmother passed away.  

We had known for nearly two weeks that the end was near and had held vigil at her bedside 24 hours a day.  We sang songs with her, listened to opera, watched baseball, we talked to her and shared memories with her.  There were countless kisses and hugs given to her.  

We said I love you as often as possible.  My mother even prayed the Rosary for her every day -- I had never seen my mother pray before those two weeks.  And even though my grandmother's room was full more than it was empty during those days, she left us while only my mom and dad were with her.  

You think you're ready when you're given time to process the inevitable.  

I read {although reluctantly} the pamphlet given to our family by hospice.  

I had had my time alone with my grams and said goodbye to her every time I left her side.  

I had forgiven her of the ugliness we had in our past and I asked her to forgive me.  

Thanked her for the love and devotion she had given to me over my lifetime.  

The care she gave me when nobody else could.  

But what I learned when I answered my phone and heard the news of her passing, 

was that no amount of preparation will alleviate or minimize the heartbreak that comes from the loss of a loved one.

Sunday marked one year.  

It was a difficult day for me, and if I'm being honest, it had been a hard 

2 weeks leading up to the anniversary.  

I miss her so much, I think of her every day and my heart aches, still, in a way I've never known.

Hugs,

Carrie

I've been neglecting my blog

I feel so badly about not paying enough attention to my little blog ~ and my few followers.  It's been a little hectic at our house lately, and it doesn't seem like the end is anywhere near.  So, I wanted to pop in and give a quick update about my 

life over the last couple of weeks..

During my last post I talked about the possibility I might have a chance at getting a bib for the ever popular Nike Women's {half} Marathon.....Well, I got in!  

I'm not sure if that exclamation point represents fear or excitment.  

Either way, I have very little time to prep for 13.1 miles and I still have not started.  

I hate me

Our numero uno son {as in first born, not favorite} is playing his 2nd year of high school football {which I LOVE}.  And this year we're hosting the team/family 

dinner at our house ~ tomorrow.  And that means we've spent a 

considerable amount of time fluffing and sprucing things up around our house.  

You know how a party forces you to get your act together!  

I think we're pretty well set....if the dog gone rental company would show up already!!

On Sunday, we are leaving for our summer vacation.  Nothing big and fancy this year, but we are all looking forward to it.  Everybody say it with me "ROAD TRIP!!!"

We are headed down the California Coast and spending time in Santa Barbara, 

San Luis Obispo and Carmel.  We're traveling with dear friends and their kids, 

and we always have a great time together.  

This will be no exception. 

When we get home both kids will have 2 separate orientations on 2 different days, school shopping, football practice, and making time to visit the fair 

before the kids head back to school on 8/17.  

Can you believe it?!?  

It's here....the start of school....just. like. that.

I promise to recap the party, our trip and my {half} marathon training as soon as I can.  

In the mean time, I hope you'll be enjoying the last dog days of Summer 

like I know we will be.

Love and hugs,

Carrie

Ten {10} Followers! (And a life lesson)

Oh my goodness!  

I was so shocked and thrilled when I logged into blogger today ~ my follower count had GROWN!  I know, I know....a successful blog has hundreds or thousands 

of followers {not 10} but for me it's an exponential increase and I'm excited!!  

You've made my day.

Thank You!

Onto the Life Lesson portion of this post....

We had a very FULL weekend, which I promise to detail soon.  But, because our weekend was so busy and the hubs and I were in a mad rush to leave the house on Friday, we tasked our oldest son with ordering pizza for dinner that night.  The hubs gave our #1 the phone, the phone number and his credit card and explained that after ordering the pizza, #1 would need to give the pizza guy our credit card number to pay for the pizza.  

Seems simple enough...

Well, I was racing around my room trying to finish getting ready when #1 strolled in holding the phone in one hand a credit card in the other.  

Here's how the convo went:

#1 - "Mom, I need to give them the credit card number."

Me - "Ok, go ahead."

#1 - "I need the number."

Me - "You have the number, it's on the card."

#1 - "I know, but which number do I give them?"

Me - "The whole string of digits on the front of the card IS the number!"

#1 - Leaned toward me trying to pass off the phone and credit card.

Me - "Uh-Uh!  Go ahead, you can do it.  Start at the beginning and move through to the end."

He managed to accurately give the number because the pizza was delivered 

and my kids ate dinner that night.

Oy!  At least it's now official....our oldest son {who will be 15 soon} can order a pizza for delivery and pay with a credit card over the phone.  

A life skill I'm certain will come in handy while he's in college.

Hugs!

Carrie

Summer Snaps 4 {3 for me}

I believe I missed last week, which means this is week 3 for me 

whereas it's 4 for everyone else.

It was a great week....It seems like it flew by so quickly.  

I'm sure that's because we filled with lot's of FUN! 

{Or maybe it's because all the weeks blend together in the summer time}

1. I went shopping with a dear friend and we started the day with a Bloody Mary. 

{Clothes look better after a bloody mary}

2. My oldest son is a sandwich arteest.  He made this yummy dagwood.

3. This is how your wine looks right now...

4. A house near ours has about 10 goats and they're too cute for words.

5. I found a new dress to wear to a party this Saturday night.

6. A gorgeous rose I stopped to smell while on a walk with my littlest.  

Believe it or not, it's bright red in real life.

7. We decided to go to the Giants game at 3p on Sunday.  

First pitch was at 5:05.  We're spontaneous!

8. The hubs and a Panda fan-da.

9. Radishes we bought at the farmer's market.  Pretty sure I ate them all...

so yummy with a little lime.

10. Lou Seal stopped by our seats during the game.  He freaked out our little guy.

We've got a few fun things planned for this weekend 

and hopefully I'll remember to take pictures.

Hugs!

Carrie

Fourth of July

I know. I know.  The fourth passed a LOOONNNGGG time ago, 

but I haven't posted since before that and so you're stuck with my 

red white and blue that's long overdue.  

For the previous two years we've been gone on the Fourth of July.  

It seems our  family vacation was scheduled to begin in early July which meant 

that we have been out of town.  This year we had planned to be away, but our older son decided not to do his best in math class thus requiring him to remediate during the summer....early July.  

All wouldn't be lost though, as we decided to shorten our trip from 1 week to 4 days and he would just have to miss one day of summer school.  

Well....then we were fortunate enough to begin a relationship with a new client who was planning her first arrival with us for July 1.  

That was that.  

Our vacay was officially postponed until August.

We found ourselves home for the holiday without any plans.  

While explaining this to my dear friend who lives on the Central Coast 

she suggested she and her family come to visit for the weekend.  

Great Idea!  

While they were here we got up early and headed to the flea market.  

Our friends had never been {we planned to take them there during their last visit in early June, but the stinkin' flea was closed due to rain when we arrived at the gate}.  

It was a beautiful day in Alameda with the City as the backdrop.  

Lots of fun stuff to scope out and we all came home with something special and a great price :-)

{here are some red, white and blues that caught my eye}

That night we headed to the local country club after dinner.  

Every year the club sets off fireworks on July 3rd.  I think the event is supposed to be for members only, but they open up the fairway and essentially the whole town shows up.  

People carry in dessert and wine, blankets and low chairs to sit on.

{They even sell glow necklaces!}

Groups of people play frisbee and toss footballs while waiting for the sun to set 

low enough for the show to begin.  We always run into friends and spend time chatting 

while the kids wonder around looking for buddies they haven't seen since school ended.  

It really feels as if you've been transported to another time....

like you've become part of a Norman Rockwell painting.  

To top it all off the fireworks are always great and seem to last forever! 

It's Americana at it's best and one of my favorite ways to celebrate. 

{When we're in town that is!}

{The long walk back to the car after the fireworks}

{Cool old car decorated for the day}

We spent the rest of the weekend eating yummy food, watching baseball, 

going to the movies and playing games in the pool.  

I'm still hearing "Marco?"... "Polo!"

Even though our plans changed {twice} and we weren't on vacation for the holiday, 

we had a fabulous time with good friends.  

Isn't it great when things work out that way?

Hugs,

Carrie

Summer Snaps 2

It was a busy week for us, filled with celebrations and sunshine.

1. We spent time by the pool.  Oddly, my boys don't spend much time in our pool.  

I'm sure it has something to do with accessibility equaling lack of interest.  

But I love it ~ I grab a book, iced tea and some sunscreen and head outside.

2. This little cutie turned 1 year older and we celebrated by...

3. having hamburgers for lunch {his choice} and we went to see Super 8 as a family.  

{Side note: I loved Super 8.  It was a great movie full of action and suspense.  I was worried about it being too scary for our Birthday Boy but after talking to a friend who had seen it I felt more at ease.  Our youngest is 11 and I'm not sure it would be appropriate for kids younger than that.  It was similar to Goonies, Stand By Me, or ET}

4. I HAD to take a picture of this yellow rose.  

It was unbelievably beautiful and the smell was intoxicating. 

5. NASCAR came to our area -- Sonoma to be precise.  It never fails, the hubs and I always seem to head that way over NASCAR weekend when that little, two lane country road is packed with 40,000 cars.  Lucky for us, we didn't get slowed down too much.

6. This palm tree looks a bit like a living firework to me 

and reminded me that the 4th is just days away!

7, 8 & 9. I went to a hotel/country club in Calistoga called Solage 

to celebrate the engagement of one of our friends.  

It could not have been a more perfect day full of cocktails, sunshine, 

laughs and chats.  Just fabulous!

I am just loving this linky party hosted by Starfish Blog! It is reminding me of

how fun our summer has been so far, even though the days

can seem so monotonous sometimes.  Head over to her blog and take a look 

at all the other fun snapshots.

Hugs!

Carrie


PS I'm also linking up here:

PPS ~ I've got a post coming up with before and afters of my oldest son's room. 

So stay tuned for that.

Well Dang It

My youngest has a birthday tomorrow.  

I'm a slacker and have nothing planned.  

Well, not "nothing", just not a friend party.  

Here's the deal....my little guy and I talked about his friend party several weeks ago and decided on a movie date to see Cars 2. 

Then back to our house where we would do cake and presents.  

And he could have a few buddies sleep over.  

Perfect!  

Almost...

He must have mentioned it to a "friend" at school because the next day he came home explaining that he didn't like that plan anymore and that Cars 2 is a "baby movie". 

UGH!!!

The last several years we've done pool parties at our house.  

They're great ~ he has fun.  

His buddies have fun.  

But, I thought it would be nice to change things up a bit.  

Well, after the "baby movie" fiasco conversation I sorta, kinda let party planning fall apart.  

Which brings me to the real problem...

I'm a loser Mother who should have her 

mothering license revoked!  

{Lucky for me they let any old boob have a baby so there's no chance of losing my license.}

What kind of mother lets her child go friend-birthday-party-less?!?

Tomorrow we will go to a movie with his older brother.  Have the lunch of his choice and a special dinner with cake and ice cream.  

Hoping this will tide him over 'til I can get that friend birthday party going.

In the mean time, I'll be online searching for boy party inspiration for the tricky "I'm not a baby" but "You're not a teenager either" age.

Wish me luck....

Hugs,

Carrie

Summer Snaps, Week Numero Uno

I follow {and LOVE} Jones Design Company and last week she posted about 

a new snapshot linky party being hosted by The Starfish Blog every Wednesday.  

Because I seem to be completely obsessed with photos right now 

I thought it might be a fantastic party for me to link up to. 

Here is our week in snapshots ~

Summer has started out fabulously for our little family.  I hope it has for you too ~

Hugs!

Carrie

PS ~ these images were taken with my iPhone with the exception of the last two pool shots.

InstaGram Lovin'

It's Friday again and I had such a fun time linking up to Life Rearranged last week that I thought I'd do it again.  Plus, I love posting to Instagram so it's a win win!!

Some of our closest friends came to town on their way home from a business trip.  They were only here for one night, but we managed to eat as if they were here for a week!!

First we had lunch.  A burger and fries at our favorite place,

Gott's in downtown Napa.

After lunch we went next door to Oxbow for cookies and coffee where we

chatted about kids and life and marriage and work ~ 

all the major subjects.

After lunch, husbands and wives separated for a bit.  

I think they bought a ShopVac while we sipped wine.  So much better being us!

Latter that night we went to dinner.

The hubs ordered a salad...

I ordered steak and potatoes.  

Should I be embarrassed that waiters often confuse our meals??

We all woke up VERY early {5:30a} to head down to the Alameda Flea Market.

Several months ago when I visited their website it noted the flea happens

"Rain or Shine", so even though the weather was iffy at best, 

we headed out on the 45 minute drive.

Only to find a BIG HUGE sign saying the flea had been postponed due to weather.

I felt bad ~ the hostess should have checked the site the night before...

It was particularly frustrating because the rain never came...

We ended up at Omega Salvage and I stumbled upon this bike.

Not very useful, but sort of cool ~

Our littlest guy graduated from elementary school this week.

It was exciting, and sad at the same time.

I shed some tears that day ~ the hubs teared up too, shhhh.

I think even Lola Dog was a little nostalgic

We rounded out the week with a Giants game at AT&T Park.

Find me on Instagram at csedwards.

Happy Photos ~

Carrie

Slacker!

It's been a busy month.  Our youngest graduated from elementary school and there were so many activities associated with the end of 5th grade.  It's left me little time to post on my blog, or even read all my favorites!!

Here's a little glimpse of what we've been up to over the last week...

This handsome fella finished his first year of high school 

and we celebrated by lunching with friends.

And our youngest created and presented his final project for Renzulli, 

which is a program at his school for accelerated learners.

He received an academic award from the President 

and a medal for 'Graduating' from elementary school.

The child of each family who was leaving the school for good was recognized when their student gave them a yellow rose...I stole a kiss too :-)

There was some huggin' and lovin' from a fabulous teacher we didn't want to say goodbye to.

We went on a field trip to the ballpark and watched the Giants play the Nationals.

We got to see our favorite players on our favorite team.  

This is Cody Ross chewing gum in Right Field

We were fearing the beard as he warmed up...

But Brian Wilson never went into the game.

And we WON!!!! Giants 3, Nationals 1

It was a great day for the Black & Orange!! 

{Even if it was a bit windy and my hair ribbon was standing up}

Now I'm off to plan our summer vacation ~ we're thinking of a road trip with friends to Carmel, Yosemite and Santa Barbara.  

We're shortening our trip because our oldest son decided to retake the 2nd semester of math to try and raise his grade.  It's worth it...

Hugs!

Carrie